At some point, maybe a year or two after I had started writing, I started to be able to write things that were decent enough to claim as my own without feeling embarrassed. What's amazing to me now is the amount of pressure I put on myself to be a freaking amazing genius right out of the gate. I never considered that it takes time and lots of practice to become good at composing, just like anything else. I couldn't wait to be great because I needed to seem important and special and really cool right then. So I did whatever I could to cultivate an aura of specialness around me, trying to make it seem like this 13 year old kid had come up with these masterpieces out of nowhere. It must have reeked so hard of desperation.
That poor kid. I feel so bad for him. I wish I could travel back in time and tell him: I understand. You want to be great. You want to be amazing. That's good! But you have to be patient. It's going to take a long time to be as good as those great masters you admire so much. I know that's not what you want to hear. You think there's no time and the end of the world is right around the corner. But it's not. Just keep writing and don't worry about impressing anyone. People are going to like you because you're a good person who is comforting and fun to talk to and be around, not because some piece you wrote impressed them.
